Barnacles™

Technology makes us tired™
Paradise is a person™
People with immaculate homes have filthy minds™
Dream Job is an oxymoron™
Remote Control For Life™
Ants are more important than humans™
Jack Kerouac never learnt to drive™
Life should have an exit questionnaire™
Don't just be yourself™
I don't mind but I do care™
It's a business doing pleasure with you™
Memories are purchased™
72.6% of UK offices have an employee called Steve™
Only one of the Beach Boys could surf™
Smokers are more interesting than non-smokers™
Vegans shouldn't eat honey™
Tradespeople always have two sugars in their tea™
Average prices are more expensive than average™
Holidays feel like work™
Women aren't as funny as men™
Class should be dictated by taste™
 It's easier to start a fire accidentally than on purpose™
The proof's in the pdf™
You make your own luck – if you're lucky™

Kate Moss is plain and dull™

Raspberries aren't berries™
Roads destroy communities™
Arranged marriages work better™
Computers cheat™
Update or die™
 Don't just do something, sit there™
The need for speed is juvenile™
There are 2,000 apple varieties in Britain™
Aspire to be average™
A speeding bullet travels only 4m under water™
Posh people wear red trousers™
If I want your opinion, I'll tell you it™
Visual imagery is tautological™
iMe™
Accent is everything™
Jerusalem artichokes are neither of the two™
107,832,745,599 people have lived on earth™
Life is a series of ruts™
Consumers are abusers™
Haste is waste™
 H is the middle of nowhere™
Carry on carrion™
Knob is bonk backwards™
Islam means surrender™
Jesus had a wicked wine cellar™
Died in event loop on un-typed exception™
Be good to your fiends™
Drugs are God for you™
Music is better than movies™
Stay clear of best sellers™
Sunbeds are as bad for you as smoking™
Horses need passports too™
Kill time until it kills you™
Fear is desire unlocked™
Avoid notice by hiding in plain sight™
Get tax back from smack™
Wii is for wimps™
Sunbathing was invented in the 1920s™
If the bees die, we die™
The best things in life have a fee™
Snails have hearts but no brains™
Your ears never stop growing™
A duck's quack doesn't echo™
Global warming isn't always warm™
Only eat oysters during months with 'r' in them™
The Dark Side needs women™
Lick the mirror or the house will die™
Social networking is anti-social™
Bees have five eyes™
Nothing was invented; everything was developed™
Too many cocks spoil the brothel™

Beauty reminds us of death™

Relatives are Relative™
You win some, you lose most™

I like to try it before I taste it™

Like a rolling moan™

I love the women whaling™
Corrupt me if I'm wrong™
Can't write for coffee™
The 'burbs eat me up™

These are so good I've given them a page of their own, here, with new ones added once in a while.

NB: Excitingly, some of the above phrases have links to previous posts.