BARNACLES

------
Technology makes us tired
------
Paradise is a person

------
Every day brings a fresh cliche
------ 
People with immaculate homes
have filthy minds

------
'Dream Job' is an oxymoron

 ------
'Nightmare job' is a tautology
 ------
Remote Control For Life

 ------
Ants are more important than humans

 ------
Jack Kerouac never learnt to drive

------
Life should have an exit questionnaire

------
Don't just be yourself

------
I don't mind but I do care

 ------
It's a business doing pleasure with you

------
Memories are purchased

------
 84.2% of UK offices have 
an employee called Steve
------
Only one of the Beach Boys could surf

------
Smokers are more interesting 

than non-smokers
 ------
Vegans shouldn't eat honey

 ------
Tradespeople always have 

two sugars in their tea
 ------
Average prices are now more
expensive than average

 ------
Holidays feel like work

 ------
Women aren't as funny as men

 ------
Class should be dictated by taste

------
 It's easier to start a fire 
accidentally than on purpose
 ------
The proof's in the pdf

------
Sex s(m)ells!
 ------
You make your own luck 

– if you're lucky 
------
Kate Moss is plain and dull
 ------
Raspberries aren't berries
 ------
Roads destroy communities

 ------
Arranged marriages work better

 ------
Computers cheat

 ------
Update or die

------
 Don't just do something, sit there
 ------
The need for speed is juvenile

 ------
There are 2,000 apple varieties in Britain

 ------
Aspire to be average

------ 
A speeding bullet travels 
only 4m under water
------
Posh people wear red trousers

------
If I want your opinion, I'll tell you it

 ------
Visual imagery is tautological

------
iMe

------
Accent is everything

 ------
Jerusalem artichokes are
neither of the two

------ 
 108 billion people have lived on earth
------
Life is a series of ruts

 ------
Consumers are abusers

 ------
Haste is waste

------
 H is the middle of nowhere
 ------
Carry on carrion

 ------
Knob is bonk backwards

 ------
Islam means surrender

------
Jesus had a wicked wine cellar

 ------
Died in event loop on un-typed exception

------
Be good to your fiends

 ------
Drugs are God for you

------
Music is better than movies

------
Stay clear of best sellers

------
Sunbeds are as bad for you as smoking

------
Kill time until it kills you
 ------
Fear is desire unlocked

 ------
Avoid notice by hiding in plain sight

------
Get tax back from smack

------
Wii is for wimps

 ------
Sunbathing was invented in the 1920s

------
If the bees die, we die

 ------
The best things in life have a fee

 ------
Snails have hearts but no brains

 ------
Your ears never stop growing

------
A duck's quack doesn't echo

------
Global warming isn't always warm

------
Only eat oysters during
months with 'r' in them

------
The Dark Side needs 

humour and women™
------ 
Lick the mirror or the house will die
------
Social networking is anti-social

------
Bees have five eyes

 ------
Nothing was invented; 

everything was developed
 ------
Too many cocks spoil the brothel

------ 
Beauty reminds us of death
 ------
Relatives are Relative
------
You win some, you lose most

------ 
I like to try it before I taste it
------ 
Like a rolling moan
------
I love the women whaling
------
Corrupt me if I'm wrong
------
Can't write for coffee
------
Whinge of Desire 
------
The 'burbs eat me up
------
80% of you is illegal;
the rest is behind bras

------ 
I've got the balls and
you've got the bearings
 
------ 
Storm in a Double D cup
------
The girl with the Pristina earring

------ 
The politics of affection
------
Letraset after sex
 ------
An exclamation of napkins
------ 
Career heading south?
Head to South Korea

------
Book judges by their covers
------
 You make my heart sour
 ------
The penis mightier than the sword
------
 You run faster when you're scared
------
 Cats are autistic
 ------ 
Die young and leave a great-looking copse
------

2 comments :

T-1000 said...

Never put off till tomorrow what you can get someone else to do for you today.

Caspar said...

A pessimist is never disappointed™