BARNACLES

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Technology makes us tired™
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Paradise is a person™
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Every day brings a fresh cliche™
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People with immaculate homes
have filthy minds™
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'Dream Job' is an oxymoron™
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'Nightmare job' is a tautology™
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Remote Control For Life™
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Ants are more important than humans™
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Jack Kerouac never learnt to drive™
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Life should have an exit questionnaire™
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Don't just be yourself™
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I don't mind but I do care™
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It's a business doing pleasure with you™
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Memories are purchased™
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 84.2% of UK offices have 
an employee called Steve™
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Only one of the Beach Boys could surf™
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Smokers are more interesting 
than non-smokers™
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Vegans shouldn't eat honey™
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Tradespeople always have 
two sugars in their tea™
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Average prices are now more
expensive than average™
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Holidays feel like work™
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Women aren't as funny as men™
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Class should be dictated by taste™
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 It's easier to start a fire 
accidentally than on purpose™
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The proof's in the pdf™
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Sex s(m)ells!™
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You make your own luck 
– if you're lucky™ 
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Kate Moss is plain and dull™

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Raspberries aren't berries™
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Roads destroy communities™
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Arranged marriages work better™
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Computers cheat™
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Update or die™
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 Don't just do something, sit there™
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The need for speed is juvenile™
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There are 2,000 apple varieties in Britain™
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Aspire to be average™
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A speeding bullet travels 
only 4m under water™
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Posh people wear red trousers™
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If I want your opinion, I'll tell you it™
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Visual imagery is tautological™
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iMe™
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Accent is everything™
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Jerusalem artichokes are
neither of the two™
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 108 billion people have lived on earth™
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Life is a series of ruts™
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Consumers are abusers™
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Haste is waste™
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 H is the middle of nowhere™
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Carry on carrion™
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Knob is bonk backwards™
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Islam means surrender™
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Jesus had a wicked wine cellar™
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Died in event loop on un-typed exception™
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Be good to your fiends™
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Drugs are God for you™
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Music is better than movies™
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Stay clear of best sellers™
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Sunbeds are as bad for you as smoking™
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Kill time until it kills you™
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Fear is desire unlocked™
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Avoid notice by hiding in plain sight™
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Get tax back from smack™
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Wii is for wimps™
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Sunbathing was invented in the 1920s™
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If the bees die, we die™
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The best things in life have a fee™
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Snails have hearts but no brains™
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Your ears never stop growing™
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A duck's quack doesn't echo™
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Global warming isn't always warm™
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Only eat oysters during
months with 'r' in them™
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The Dark Side needs 
humour and women™
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Lick the mirror or the house will die™
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Social networking is anti-social™
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Bees have five eyes™
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Nothing was invented; 
everything was developed™
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Too many cocks spoil the brothel™
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Beauty reminds us of death™
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Relatives are Relative™
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You win some, you lose most™
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I like to try it before I taste it™
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Like a rolling moan™
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I love the women whaling™
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Corrupt me if I'm wrong™
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Can't write for coffee™
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Whinge of Desire™ 
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The 'burbs eat me up™
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80% of you is illegal;
the rest is behind bras™
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I've got the balls and
you've got the bearings™ 
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Storm in a Double D cup™
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The girl with the Pristina earring™
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The politics of affection™
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Letraset after sex™
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An exclamation of napkins™
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Career heading south?
Head to South Korea™
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Book judges by their covers™
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 You make my heart sour™
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The penis mightier than the sword™
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 You run faster when you're scared™
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 Cats are autistic™
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Die young and leave a great-looking copse™
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