BARNACLES

Technology makes us tired
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Paradise is a person

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People with immaculate homes have filthy minds

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Dream Job is an oxymoron

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Remote Control For Life

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Ants are more important than humans

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Jack Kerouac never learnt to drive

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Life should have an exit questionnaire

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Don't just be yourself

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I don't mind but I do care

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It's a business doing pleasure with you

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Memories are purchased

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 84.2% of UK offices have an employee called Steve
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Only one of the Beach Boys could surf

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Smokers are more interesting than non-smokers

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Vegans shouldn't eat honey

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Tradespeople always have two sugars in their tea

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Average prices are now more expensive than average

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Holidays feel like work

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Women aren't as funny as men

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Class should be dictated by taste

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 It's easier to start a fire accidentally than on purpose
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The proof's in the pdf

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You make your own luck – if you're lucky
 
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Kate Moss is plain and dull
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Raspberries aren't berries
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Roads destroy communities

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Arranged marriages work better

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Computers cheat

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Update or die

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 Don't just do something, sit there
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The need for speed is juvenile

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There are 2,000 apple varieties in Britain

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Aspire to be average

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A speeding bullet travels only 4m under water
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Posh people wear red trousers

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If I want your opinion, I'll tell you it

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Visual imagery is tautological

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iMe

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Accent is everything

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Jerusalem artichokes are neither of the two

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 108 billion people have lived on earth
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Life is a series of ruts

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Consumers are abusers

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Haste is waste

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 H is the middle of nowhere
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Carry on carrion

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Knob is bonk backwards

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Islam means surrender

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Jesus had a wicked wine cellar

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Died in event loop on un-typed exception

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Be good to your fiends

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Drugs are God for you

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Music is better than movies

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Stay clear of best sellers

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Sunbeds are as bad for you as smoking

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Kill time until it kills you
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Fear is desire unlocked

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Avoid notice by hiding in plain sight

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Get tax back from smack

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Wii is for wimps

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Sunbathing was invented in the 1920s

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If the bees die, we die

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The best things in life have a fee

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Snails have hearts but no brains

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Your ears never stop growing

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A duck's quack doesn't echo

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Global warming isn't always warm

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Only eat oysters during months with 'r' in them

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The Dark Side needs humour & women™

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Lick the mirror or the house will die
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Social networking is anti-social

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Bees have five eyes

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Nothing was invented; everything was developed

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Too many cocks spoil the brothel

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Beauty reminds us of death
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Relatives are Relative
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You win some, you lose most

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I like to try it before I taste it
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Like a rolling moan
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I love the women whaling
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Corrupt me if I'm wrong
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Can't write for coffee
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The 'burbs eat me up
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80% of you is illegal; the rest in behind bras 
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I've got the balls and you've got the bearings 

1 comment :

T-1000 said...

Never put off till tomorrow what you can get someone else to do for you today.