Monday, August 12, 2013

Barnacles™

Technology makes us tired
Paradise is a person

People with immaculate homes have filthy minds

Dream Job is an oxymoron

Remote Control For Life

Ants are more important than humans

Jack Kerouac never learnt to drive

Life should have an exit questionnaire

Don't just be yourself

I don't mind but I do care

It's a business doing pleasure with you

Memories are purchased

72.6% of UK offices have an employee called Steve

Only one of the Beach Boys could surf

Smokers are more interesting than non-smokers

Vegans shouldn't eat honey

Tradespeople always have two sugars in their tea

Average prices are more expensive than average

Holidays feel like work

Women aren't as funny as men

Class should be dictated by taste

 It's easier to start a fire accidentally than on purpose
The proof's in the pdf

You make your own luck – if you're lucky
Kate Moss is plain and dull
Raspberries aren't berries
Roads destroy communities

Arranged marriages work better

Computers cheat

Update or die

 Don't just do something, sit there
The need for speed is juvenile

There are 2,000 apple varieties in Britain

Aspire to be average
A speeding bullet travels only 4m under water

Posh people wear red trousers

If I want your opinion, I'll tell you it

Visual imagery is tautological

iMe

Accent is everything

Jerusalem artichokes are neither of the two

107,832,745,599 people have lived on earth

Life is a series of ruts

Consumers are abusers

Haste is waste

 H is the middle of nowhere
Carry on carrion

Knob is bonk backwards

Islam means surrender

Jesus had a wicked wine cellar

Died in event loop on un-typed exception

Be good to your fiends

Drugs are God for you

Music is better than movies

Stay clear of best sellers

Sunbeds are as bad for you as smoking

Horses need passports too

Kill time until it kills you

Fear is desire unlocked

Avoid notice by hiding in plain sight

Get tax back from smack

Wii is for wimps

Sunbathing was invented in the 1920s

If the bees die, we die

The best things in life have a fee

Snails have hearts but no brains

Your ears never stop growing

A duck's quack doesn't echo

Global warming isn't always warm

Only eat oysters during months with 'r' in them

The Dark Side needs women™
Lick the mirror or the house will die

Social networking is anti-social

Bees have five eyes

Nothing was invented; everything was developed

Too many cocks spoil the brothel
Beauty reminds us of death
Relatives are Relative
You win some, you lose most
I like to try it before I taste it
Like a rolling moan
I love the women whaling
Corrupt me if I'm wrong
Can't write for coffee
The 'burbs eat me up
I haven't been able to update barnflakes.com for years now, due to apathy and software/server issues. The above is an edited and amended Barnacles section. I had some real good ones to add last week but I've forgotten them; I'll add them if/when I remember.

NB: Excitingly, some of the above phrases have links to previous posts.

2 comments :

Caspar said...

Here's one for you:

84% of statistics are completely made-up

Reena said...

Very funny.

I did have a look to see which would be my fave and I had to conclude it would be this one:

"72.6% of UK offices have an employee called Steve™"

When I think of a good one to add to the list I'll pop back!