Monday, November 11, 2019

Encrusted

A post-Brexit Cornish story.

There are food shortages – mackerel and pilchard stocks are low, of course. Worst of all – Andrew Rowe, a.k.a. The Kernow King, is King of Cornwall, literally, ruling over the underground bakeries – Warrens, Rowe's, Philps – with an iron fist. He builds a wall of frozen pasties on the Cornish side of the Tamar to keep the Cornish in and the English out. What with climate change, it soon melts. When the pound becomes worthless, Cornish pasties become the official Cornish currency, and society reverts to a form of feudal system, like a collective or commune, with pasties forming the basis of bartering: two small Warrens are worth one large Rowe's or I'll fix your fence for two lamb and mint Philps pasties. The system works so well that over time, Cornish people are actually born in pasty-shaped wombs, and stamped with the creator's logo – Warrens, Rowe's or Philps – when they emerge from the pastry. The stamp determines the bearers social class. An uprising occurs when a baby is born, the protagonist of the story, not quite fitting in as others do. His name is Gregg...

I can't claim full authorship. I just had a pen and paper handy as the words flowed from my colleague 'Wing Man' (not real name).

4 comments :

Wing Man said...

A 350 page book will surely be in the works for this soon. Some may joke but as a Cornishman I can hear the powers of Cornwall kneading a plan which will not crumble!

Barnaby said...

It will indeed be a recipe for disaster if you Cornish don’t have at yeast a basic plan in place.

NARINDER Fuzz 72 said...

I hereby petition the right for Barnflakes to create his very own Barnflakes Steak Bakes - who needs Greggs?!

Barnaby said...

Greggs is an over-rated, subpar bakery. Barnflakes Steak Bakes will be the best – with the flakiest pastry of course.