Modern Dilemmas

#1: Going out vs staying in
A friend is only comfortable staying in on her own on a Friday or Saturday night as long as she's been invited out somewhere (but declined). As long as she has an invite out and thereby feels wanted, needed, she doesn't feel bad or depressed staying in. I know what she means. Best of all, though, is being invited out to two places, and you can tell both parties you have another engagement, then go to neither, and stay in watching crap TV instead. Result!

#2: Mobile phones
Say you're having a really interesting conversation with someone, perhaps you're just about to work out the meaning of life, then their phone starts to ring. Nine times out of ten, they will interrupt the conversation to answer it. Nothing wrong with that, perhaps, but I think it's kinda rude and annoying. But, you know, that ringing phone promises unknown possibilities. And there's always something better going on somewhere else.

#3: Ironing
Those with a hectic lifestyle are amazed that I do all my ironing in one go, once a week, or once a fortnight. These hectic-lifestyle people do theirs only when they need the specific clothes, which is usually on a daily basis. So, the dilemma is, daily or weekly ironing? For me, there's no competition. Having to get the iron out on a daily basis would be a ludicrous, depressing waste of time (especially for just a few items of clothing). After years of hating it, I quite like it now (once a week or fortnight); put on some music or even watch a film whilst doing it and the time flies by.

#4: Breakages
Let's say you're in a shop and there's signs saying Breakages Must Be Paid For, and you (or, more likely, your child) breaks something. Don't sweat it, It's a civil offence so they can't call the police, or detain you (that would be kidnapping). Merely inform the shopkeeper their insurance will cover it (so don't feel any guilt about it), and walk out the shop, swiftly. And don't look back.

#5: Public toilets
I went into a public toilet the other day which had one cubicle (which I needed). It was the most repulsive sight I'd ever seen with urine, faeces, toilet paper all over the toilet and floor (this probably just applies to men; I'm sure women's toilets are never as bad). But I had to use it, which I did, as quickly as possible (without touching anything). However, I heard footsteps and knew someone was waiting to use it after me. Should I clean the whole cubicle up, or leave it, and have the person waiting think it was me who made the mess? Even though I may never see this person again, do I want them to not only to curse me inwardly, but to – no matter how fleetingly – think I'm a big turd?